Every time I go to Murray, I get really inspired. I write at least a poem a night. I'm starting to think that I need to be shut in a small, boring room for a week. Like a dorm room. No TV, crappy internet. Time to socialize at night if I feel like it, and then being able to socialize with other writers. Even if you're not trying to bounce ideas off one another, there's just something fun about being in a room with other writers that are just sitting, talking, and having a good time. I still have over a month before my next residency though, so I'm going to have to find something else, right? Right. Something exciting is that our mentors for next semester are to be revealed in the near future, and I'm interested in finding out who I'll be working with. I just wonder what I'm going to do after I graduate. I guess I'll have to find a really ugly room to sit in.
Anyway, despite the rut, I've submitted to two poetry contests. Eh. I just cringe now thinking about it. I'm the type of person that, the more I read my stuff, the less I like it, and now I'm just in the state of, "OMG, why would I let anyone read that, let alone judge it?" =/ But! Maybe I'll be wrong, and at least one poem will get selected. I need to start writing more, more, more and start submitting more, more, more, but it's hard to do when you hate everything you write down. Gary tells me that I need to be more narrative, and I completely get that. I know I'm better at being a narrative poet, but I keep blocking myself for some reason. One of those times when you wish you could kick your own butt.
I can honestly say that "My Uncle Sings La Cucaracha," is still my favorite poem that I've written. But that's already been picked up by Zone 3, so I need a new one! I need something else to lead with. I did the narrative thing at its best in that poem, but any time I tell myself to write like that, I end up basically writing that poem again. There's something wrong with my brain. But I am still really excited for the Spring when that edition of Zone 3 comes out, and I get to see two of my poems in a book. A book! Me, my poems, yay!
For lack of poetry inspiration, I've been putting most of my focus into my jobs at the library. PACT Coordinator, PNG Mentor--lots to focus on there. I've been doing my best to revamp PACT and get it running smoothly. So far, so good. Though all I keep thinking is that it could be better, it could be better. I've also been having some serious memory issues lately, which has made it difficult for me to focus on the "could be better", because like a million different things I need to do assault me daily, and I get distracted, and I start going in all different directions. Maybe that's what my problem is lately: I can't focus. Maybe I just need to make myself a schedule. Like:
10am: Think about this.
11am: Think about this.
12pm: Oh, what about this?
You probably have a problem if you need to remind yourself to think about stuff, but I'm one of those people that get easily sidetracked and go from one problem to the next without completely following through sometimes. So frustrating. Especially when I'm trying to give a speech about important information at PACT or elsewhere, and my brain blanks on me. I will be in the middle of a sentence, and my thought process just goes blank. I don't know if it's nerves, or if I'm just trying to remember too many things. Yeah, I probably need to just start carrying index cards around. Anyway, time to wrap this up, because it's time for a PACT partner meeting. Just wanted to post an update about how awful of a poet I am this semester, since I haven't updated in awhile. But I'll keep pushing through!
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