I just watched the documentary Hot Girls Wanted, produced by Rashida Jones, and now I am angry and sad and frustrated. Mostly because I wanted to learn more about why she decided to make it, what she learned from it, and how more light could be shed on a definite problem in our society--the exploitation and objectification of young girls and women.
However, when I went to look for interviews, I became increasingly angry. First, I watched the trailer, thinking maybe Rashida would have a blurb there, and I was annoyed by the one review it had at the front of the trailer, which was that the content was shocking. Shocking? Like no one knows this happens every day in the world? That it is almost completely unregulated and no one seems to care about what is happening to these women physically and emotionally? Don't make me laugh. It's infuriating and heartbreaking.
So then I finally find some interviews. They all ask the same three questions, barely skimming the surface, not touching on anything important, like what we can do about it, and then it's: "So anyway, let's talk about how you're writing for Toy Story 4." Not to mention, the first one I watched started with: "Today we have with us the producer of Hot Girls Wanted, Rashida Jones, who is quite the hot girl herself." The worst part was that the person using this introduction was also a woman. I mean, what?!
I could go on for days about this. This is why I will never make Indy conform to perceived gender roles. This is why I hate when people insist that she should be in pink, frilly clothes and dresses all the time. And let's not forget cute shoes. This is why her room is painted blue, and she wears onesies with Ninja Turtles on them. I can't tell you the number of people that assume she's a boy, because her stroller and car seat are turquoise.
The last thing I ever want my daughter to think is that her appearance is all she has to get by in the world. That's why I'm not going to be piercing her ears or painting her nails or putting makeup on her. When she's old enough to decide for herself that she wants those things, she can do it, but I hope to have convinced her long before then that her true worth will come from her brain and her heart. Whatever she does, I want her to do it because it makes her happy, not because society told her she had to.
So many of the girls in this documentary said and believed that their worth came from a boy telling them they were hot. That shouldn't be what anyone needs to feel important. Everyone likes being complimented, but if that's all you have to measure yourself with, the stress must be unbelievable. I wish I could do something to make a difference, but the only thing I do know that I can do is to teach my daughter how to be confident for who she is and not what she looks like. And that is ridiculously hard in society. It always has been.
I mean, go to a clothing store. I don't recall the men's department being sorted into regular size men and plus-sized men. It doesn't do a woman's confidence a load of good to be told her size is "plus size" and that clothing must be made differently for her. Also, shoe stores--I can rarely ever find shoes in store to fit my feet, because there is clearly a pre-conceived notion that all women should be petite with tiny feet. I can't shop in most of the name brand stores, because it's clear from their clothing that they think all women should be the same size they were in grade school, with little to no chest or butt. I think the most mad I've ever felt was when I visited a Motherhood store while pregnant. The clothes in that store looked like they were for someone who had never had an ounce of fat on them a day in their life and managed to retain the size of baby bump you have when you are first starting to show throughout their entire pregnancy. The last thing I wanted to be made to feel like while pregnant was a sausage in a casing. I mean who, regardless of size, wants to wear tight clothes when they're pregnant?
I'm just really not looking forward to Indy going to school. I can't even count how many times people called me a lesbian because I didn't wear girly clothes or have a girly voice or do girly things. Then my genetics gave me hairy arms and thick eyebrows and a mustache. It wasn't difficult for kids to find things to pick on me for. Thankfully, I had fairly thick skin, so I wasn't as bothered by it as some people are. I knew who I wanted to be, and I was going to be that person, regardless of what anyone said to me. Unfortunately, that's not the case for everyone.
So maybe I can't see a way to help those girls in the documentary or other girls that follow them, but I'm at least going to make sure that my daughter doesn't feel that way. Don't get me wrong, I like dressing Indy up from time to time, but I also plan to let her know that she shouldn't feel defined by what she wears or like less of a woman for what she does or doesn't do. There isn't going to be any "those are boy toys, that's a job only men can do, that color is only for boys" talk in this house.
You don't have to look any farther than social media to know that it's something that needs to be emphasized to girls all over. Take the Duggars, for example. I've seen a ridiculous amount of people on their son's side, saying he's a good Christian, and he asked for forgiveness and feels bad about it now, so he should be forgiven and left alone. I haven't seen one person ask, "What about those girls?" Does him feeling bad for it now make the whole thing seem like it never happened for them? Does him asking for forgiveness heal their emotional and physical scars? Uh no. But no one seems to care about how what he did effects them and will continue effecting them their whole lives. It doesn't just go away.
Then there's the whole Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner ordeal. I think Jon Stewart summed that up perfectly:
http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/oekklq/brave-new-girl?xrs=synd_facebook_060315_tds_23
I don't think it can be stressed enough that your life should be built on what makes you truly, sincerely happy all of the time, not by what other people think. That's all I want for Indy. To know that she can do anything, be anything, go anywhere. All she has to do is work for it and pursue it. Your gender doesn't define who you are or what you can do.
I'm married. I love my husband. I have no problem with men in general, but I hate that it seems like our society believes that each woman is defined and made important by what the men in her life think of her. And, anymore, women are just as judgmental and harsh towards one another. I'd like to think we can teach our daughters differently and this will one day become something of the past.
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