A little forewarning, totally making a mom post, so if those things make you uncomfortable, don't read on, but I've seen a lot of posts and articles on Facebook lately that seemed like they were shaming moms that don't breastfeed, and it really irked me. I just wanted to say to anyone that doesn't breastfeed or is having a really hard time with it, you aren't a bad mom. You aren't a failure. Even though everywhere you turn, people are telling you that you HAVE to breastfeed, that you're basically being selfish and punishing your baby if you're not, I don't believe that it's true, and it doesn't define who you are as a mom.
If breastfeeding isn't physically possible for you, or if it's too much of an emotional toll (because, yes, your own happiness matters too, because if you're unhappy, you can't enjoy your baby like you should be able to, and you can't be the mom you want to be, because you're always doubting yourself), you shouldn't feel like you are a failure as a mom if you don't do it. It may not seem like a big deal to people that don't have babies or to people that found breastfeeding to be easy and natural, but not coming out of the gates like a pro can be and is hard on the rest of us.
Even now, with how much the doctors emphasize it and how social media glorifies it as the only way, I've been reluctant to tell anyone I stopped. I put my head down. I kind of mutter it. Now, this annoys me, because I've talked to other people that felt the same way I did, like they couldn't say it in public for fear of being labeled a bad mom. Whatever. I breastfed Indy for the first month of her life. While I loved the bonding time this allowed us and was so happy that I could give her antibodies and what felt like a special kind of nutrition, it took a physical and emotional toll on me. I was exhausted all of the time. I cried about everything. And I mean everything.
I felt like a failure, because I couldn't produce enough to keep her sated. No matter how hard I tried. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to see anyone. It felt like the general consensus was just that I should suck it up and get over it, that if I would stop being such a baby, I would get over the hump and everything would become perfectly easy. But Indy wasn't getting enough, so we had to supplement bottles. I wanted to cry the entire time. It only got worse when it became more difficult for Indy to latch to me after getting used to the bottles. Then my supply started to dwindle even more.
Thankfully, I had a wonderful pillar of support in Adam, who repeatedly assured me that it did not reflect on my capability to be a mother, who encouraged me to do what felt right and would make me happy, allowing me to be the mom I wanted to be. He insisted that he would think no less of me if I stopped breastfeeding and that he only wanted us all to be happy. So, after a month of breastfeeding, I quit. Within a few days, I stopped feeling down. I stopped crying over every little thing. I felt upbeat and happy. I felt like I had more time to love and appreciate Indy. I don't regret my decision at all. I held out as long as I could, but, when it became apparent that it was not the healthy path for us, I changed. And if you feel down and depressed, anxious and disappointed in yourself, you shouldn't feel bad about making a change either. All your baby cares about is that you are there. That's most important-- above all else.
I just wanted to say it, because I feel like there are some people who need to hear it. It's your decision, no one else's. And you should feel like a strong, successful person anyway, because you gave birth to a baby. Everyone handles it differently. I think what you can handle is just the luck of the draw. You should never be made to feel like less of a woman-- c-section or natural birth, breastfeeding or bottle-fed. Who cares? As long as your baby is happy and healthy, that's all that should matter. And I assure you that formula babies are just as happy and healthy. Mine smiles all the time. There is nothing more beautiful or satisfying to me than her smile. It reassures me every day that I made the right choice for us, because I'm smiling too.
It upsets me that I felt like I had to hide the fact that I stopped breastfeeding, that I felt like sinking into the floor because everyone's first question seems to be, "You breastfeed, don't you?" I was mortified to tell my doctor at my six week appointment that I had stopped. I said no when she asked if I still breastfed. I looked at the floor. I waited for her to reprimand me, but, surprise of all surprises, she smiled and told me I had done the right thing if it had made me feel so down. That definitely lifted my spirits, so I just wanted to say it now, for whoever needs to hear it.
Why has it all become such a competition? A competition we are imposing on each other for some bizarre reason.
It's not a competition. No one is better than anyone else. Everyone has to learn how to be a Mom and discover what works best for them. I'm really, really tired of seeing all of these articles that act like there's only one way to be a good mom.
There's not. There's just not.
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