I've come to determine that it just all depends on your own level dedication and who you end up with as a mentor. If anything, the week I spent on campus, I was desperate to prove myself. I had decent poems, but I quickly saw their flaws during our group classes where we critiqued each other's work. I remember one evening in particular, I went back to my cousin's apartment, and I thought, I know I can make this good. Now I'm going to do it. The poem I wrote that night is probably still my favorite poem I've ever written. I read it on the last night in Murray during the MFA Reading, and it seemed pretty well-received. So I know that my own drive is there. I want to be a poet, and I want to be recognized for it. I know I have the potential, and, even though it's so often ridiculously frustrating, I'm determined to bring my poetry up to par. I know that I'm lacking in some areas, and I'm determined to figure out how to fix that. I think I've made decent progress this semester with it.
Which brings me to the next half: the mentor. I was ridiculously lucky to end up with a great mentor. Blas has been nothing but spectacular during the whole process. Despite the fact that we didn't meet on campus and kept in contact just through email and a monthly phone call, he was so helpful. I think that we have some similar threads in the poetry that we write, so he was able to easily pinpoint my weak spots and advise me on how to work around them. Even though I know that we need the diversity of different opinions, I wish I could keep him as my mentor for this coming semester as well! If you have any interest at all in poetry, you should check out his book.
He read a few of the poems at Murray last semester, but I bought the book and read the rest and loved them. He's a great mentor and a great poet. He's also been fully submerged into my family history and stories and all the embellishments I added to them, and he's been, fortunately, enjoying them and encouraging me, and so I've decided that my thesis is going to focus on family, particularly my grandmother, Joan. No matter what I do, I just can't seem to stray far from them. They all end up circling back around in some way, so I've succumbed to what my poet soul wants to write. And I say, "poet soul," with a smirk on my face, because I swear I'm not that egotistical.
Anyway, I'm really looking forward to the July Residency. Even though it means a week of being away from my family and friends, I like the time to experience a bit of independence and discover more about my writing. Not to mention, last time I met a lot of great, friendly people, and I'm eager to make even more, new friends. I've been emailed our tentative schedule, and it looks like we're in for a good time. Also, I'll be staying the dorms this time, so hopefully I'll be able to update my blog nightly with the events of the week that I'm there. Even though I distinctly rememeber that, last time I was there, all I wanted to do by the time I got back to my room was collapse face-down and go to sleep.
Before I wrap this up, I wanted to add a few more pictures to this blog post. My aunt, Susan, posted some old photos of the family, and it was interesting looking at them, particularly the faces that were gone before I was born, and the ones that made it into my poems. A lot of my poems are based off of family stories, and I add in filler for the gaps, but when I look at the pictures now, it's like I imagine them living the exact lives that I wrote for them. Which I kind of like. From left to right: My grandma and her James Dean, my aunts, Donna and Debra, and my grandma again, as a young woman. Wasn't she gorgeous?
These are obviously just a few of the stash that my aunt dug up, but I thought they were some of the most interesting. I especially love the third one. It's like I can picture her that much more clearly in my head as the character I've cast her. And I hope that she knows, still, how much I love her and what an influence she's been. The same goes for my twin aunts that were gone before I was born. And, for now, that's about all I've got to say until the next residency starts in July. Between then and now, I've got a Keats class to tend to, my dear friend since grade school's wedding to attend, and my own honeymoon to enjoy with Adam. =)
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